November 2009: Came off 2 months of some heavy treatment and extreme Herxing to find there was finally some improvement. My ENERGY was so improved and Thanksgiving was an enjoyable time with family.
December 2009 & January 2010: Strange pain in my right hip which quicly escalated and truned into a limp sent me back to a new round with all my Drs and more test. To our surprise on Dec 12th we discovered a disc I had herniated back in 2002 had now re-herniated and far worse than ever before. SURGERY became the word of the day and a big concern as my body was not up to taking that hit...sooo we began therapy, praying for change and began looking into all our surgery options (aka...lots more trips to new Drs and surgeons)!!
February -April 2010: February1, 2010 first marked the 2 year anniversary of my relapse and unfortunately the end of my temporary burst of energy and reprieve from the aches and pains. Symptoms all began slowly escalating again so back to heavy treatment, more herxing, and fighting for energy daily. Could still see a marked improvement from last year so I knew although there was struggle we where moving in the right direction. I also went back to work full time with All Access which meant heaps of stress where piled on my already fragile state. It was a daily time of leaning into God for each 24hrs that lay ahead...I was a professional at living day to day at this point so to be honest it felt more normal than it has since this journey began...its a good thing as struggle brings change in our life and one day we suddenly look back and realize we have adjusted!
*This where I stopped writing this entry (see my post from Jan 2, 2011 for the rest of the scope) but I did post the words below to the song I had been hanging onto during this time. It is still a huge comfort to me and pray it will be the same to you as you see...OH HOW HE LOVES US!!
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.
Hey Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteSo I know I haven't talked to you in a long time, but I've been reading through your blog this morning trying to figure out HOW you do it! Your insights have been truly encouraging for me. This song has spoken to me a lot too =) Recently when I was stuck in bed for several days, that line "All of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory" just kept running through my head over and over keeping me going!
I've been dealing with cluster headaches for about 4 months, and adrenal fatigue (as far as I can figure out) for several years, and although my health problems are not as difficult as yours, the struggle seems so familiar... your comment about being carried out of church made me think of last week when my sister-in-law and her family had to take my kids home and lead me out of JCPenney sobbing because of a cluster headache that hit in the space of about 10 seconds and left me gasping in pain and unable to see.
How do you "mother" from bed when you are in pain or just completely exhausted? It's an ongoing source of frustration for me when I just want to be UP and taking care of my kids, but am too tired to see straight or focus... or worse, am in the middle of a bout of headaches and have to ask my 5yo daughter to call a friend on the phone for help and then make sure the baby doesn't kill himself while they're on their way =(
You are in my prayers...!
Lori Bleau