February 1, 2009...Its hard to believe that it was a year ago today that I fell seriously ill.
I remember my legs giving out that day and I became so weak I could not get out of bed without assistance. This feeling was all to familiar and naturally I believed I would recover with rest and nutrition as I always had within a few days or weeks at most. It wasn't till May that I realized how seriously ill I really was and that additional testing was needed. In June I was diagnosed with Late Stage Lyme Disease and then had my diagnosis questioned by the same doctor who finally diagnosed me. After 17 years of illness I finally received a firm diagnosis in late July from a Lyme Disease Specialist and began antibiotic treatment immediately.
My last blog was one month into treatment after a series of ER visits. It was the last time I felt I could really talk about this disease that had taken over my life and changed everything for me and my family. I figured today was time to break my silence and look back over what I have been through thus far and to look forward believing for better days to come!!
The month of September and early October where the worst I had ever experienced. The antibiotics began doing there job and bacteria die off led to serious Herx reactions and unexplainable weakness including the addition of many new symptoms. Extreme muscle spasms, labored breathing, throat swelling and blockage, numbness and tingling that moved all around my body, pain in all my joints and muscles, pain and blurred vision behind both eyes, nausea and vomitting, ear pain, insomnia, panic attacks, inability at times to sit up or feed myself, dangerous weight loss...etc... This became my daily and nightly existence...
I did not want to blog during this time because finding something positive to say was hard and I feel it is only right to be honest that at this point in my journey with chronic illness I began to lose hope and wonder if I would survive this. I have always been a positive and very optimistic person and to come to this point was...well...heartbreaking.
By mid October a trip to both my Lyme Specialist and Homeopathic Doctor confirmed that my body was not dealing well with the antibiotics and I had to stop treatment...my homeopathic doctor later told me that after treating me for 10 years he had never seen me this ill and worried that I was slipping away. I found out that my Mom who had been at my bedside since this illness began at age of 15 felt the same way...So I prayed!! I was scared to stop...scared to continue...scared my kids would not have me if I made the wrong decision.
During a very weak morning a few days later I woke with a strong sense from the Lord to stop antibiotics...and to stop right away!! I felt the Lord remind me of His word to me two years earlier after I had suffered a bad episode that had included pneumonia and pleurisy. He had clearly spoken that I would find healing through nutrition which I had been studying and partially following for four years at that time. It had sent me into remission before but when I would begin feeling better I would slide back into my old patterns of eating and symptoms would return. This time I knew God was asking me to begin using a nutritional plan that has cured all types of late stage diseases including stage four cancer, MS and many more. It was just a step up nutritionally from what I had been doing before I began antibiotic treatment so I knew I could do it...and it was time to start!
I was scared as symptoms got worse at first but within a week I was out of bed and began walking short distances around the house. I was able to help out with food preparations and engage with my children again. My doctors who supported this nutritional treatment were stunned at my almost immediate improvement but it was way to soon to think we were out of the woods...In late October my community threw us a fundraiser that just blew us away. More than $5,000 was raised to help us with medical expenses. We were unbelievably blessed!!
3 weeks of improvement where very encouraging but the beginning of November
brought my worst reaction yet. I began experiencing severe neurological symptoms. Burning and tingling up and down my spine, serious panic attacks, nausea and vomiting, ect...It is an experience I cannot describe. By day two we had to move me over to my Mom's house were my Mom, Dad and Dan sat vigil with me day and night as I went through the worst week I can ever remember. My kids where split up amongst my sisters and I was on round the clock phone calls with my doctor. I remember laying on the floor in the fetal position and singing worship songs...it was a minute by minute clinging on to my God and trusting Him that I would make it through this. By the weekend I was hospitalized for dehydration and released the same day. The next morning things began to improve...
The rest of the month was up and down but two weeks after that major episode I was walking and participating in some household activities again. Thanksgiving week came with some serious panic attacks again as the Lyme has serious effects on the mind. By the beginning of December things began to really improve. My energy levels where improving while symptoms also decreased and my good days were getting better and more frequent. I was using my wheelchair less when we went out. I actually walked around a grocery store for the first time in months. The week before Christmas allowed me two days of Christmas shopping with Dan and more walking than I have done since this all began.
My Lyme specialist could not believe my recovery. He was astounded by the job my nutrition and lifestyle changes were making without the use of antibiotics. By Christmas I had of course done to much which any Mom of three would do before the holidays...I just often forget my limitations on my good days because I am just so happy to be a functioning person!! On Christmas day I had a bad episode that took me some days of rest to recover from. The nutrition still causes the Herx reactions but it also helps you detox so the reactions are far less than with the antibiotics which also come with their own list of side effects.
Two days after Christmas we received the greatest gift as we were given a condo in Panama City, Fla for the month of January to give me some true rest, sun and time to reconnect with my family... things I so desperately needed after this very difficult year!! During our time away I struggled with the flu and some sinus issues which came out of the exhaustion of December and coming down off of the stress I have been under these last months. It was a wonderful month away (pics on facebook) and it was very difficult to return home today.
So here I am, one year later updating a blog I would never have dreamed of starting a year ago. As I sit here I am numb in the left side of my head, have random pain around my body but...I am here. I am beating this disease and one year from now I believe I will be writing about my remission...and if I'm not...I will still be fighting!! True healing takes time...its just the truth and so I am willing to continue the journey. I am not afraid to admit that I am often afraid and that I often do not understand and question God in this process (He doesn't mind!!). I am learning, I am growing, I am not perfect, but am committed to the process. I don't imagine that my struggles are anything compared to the struggles of so many who suffer severe chronic illness. Their sufferings are not to be imagined and I am thankful for God's mercy on our family.
I hope this new year to take some time to blog about what I have learned through the difficulties of 2008 because there is much to share...I think this is enough for now after 5 months of silence.
I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you again to everyone who has prayed, read this blog, written me encouraging words, stayed by my side during my worst and best moments. One of the greatest realizations this year was how loved me and my family are by so many...really loved by people who don't just say they care but live it by extending there hand to us in so many different ways. Many of these people I have never even met before!! I am overwhelmed to say the least....
February 2, 2009 is a new day. I look forward to it and many more to come...
PS. A Herx Reaction: Extreme Die off of bacteria which releases toxins into the system causing a strong onset of symptoms making you feel pretty miserable for minutes to weeks...you never know!
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